Why Do You Carry That Baggage?

Warning- it’s going to be a heavy one today. And it’s a post that was pretty emotional for me to write. If you’re looking for something fun and light-hearted, come back tomorrow. I promise I’ll back with something sunny. :)

I’ve had a lot of thoughts swirling around for the last few weeks that I just really need to put into words- get out there- and move on.I’ve written, deleted and re-written this post about 5 times over the last week. And yesterday evening when I got home, I edited it one more time- completely starting from scratch. So here goes.

If you’ve been reading my blog for any amount of time, you probably know that I’ve struggled with my weight for pretty much my entire life. I was overweight as an adolescent, teenager and young adult, and didn’t make changes towards a healthy lifestyle until a little while after I graduated college. I got a handle on healthy, mindful eating and consistent exercise around age 27- and that’s when I was at my lowest weight (which was in the 140s- and I’m 5’7″. Very healthy and reasonable). I felt confident and sexy for the first time in my life back then, but I still thought that I needed to lose a few pounds. Looking back now, I think I was completely nuts. I looked great!

(September 2007)

(September 2007)

(August 2008)

When I look back at photos from 2007-2008, I think I looked so happy and full of life. Recent photos definitely do not reflect that. In more recent photos, I can see the struggle and insecurities. (Side note- Ashley had a great post about looking back over old photos last week)

Back in 2008, I actually worked so hard at trying to lose five more pounds that it backfired. I started exercising twice a day, every day, for 3-4 hours sometimes. I stressed my body out so much that it started holding on to any bit of fat that it could and storing it- and the weight slowly crept back on. I have been able to get a handle on my exercise addiction a lot, but still struggle with it at times. But, I’m a lot better than I was a year ago. I always take a rest day now, and on days that I’m not teaching, I’m happy with a good 20-30 minute workout (which I would have considered a warm-up before!).

So, here I am, 15-20 lbs heavier than I was at my lowest weight in 2007. Granted, I’m more muscular than I was then, but I also know that I have a good 10 lbs more of body fat now. The bottom line? I feel pretty bad about myself. I don’t feel attractive or in control, and can’t really remember the last time that I did. There is nothing more that I want for myself than to be happy, confident and to let go of my issues with food and with my body.

I’ve tried a few different programs over the last year in attempt to lose weight, including Weight Watchers, tracking with My Fitness Pal and Fitmixer Bootcamp. All of these programs are great- and for some people- it’s all they need to lose weight. But for me, none of them really helped- because I already know how to eat healthy and what I should be doing. I wasn’t able to make the mental breakthrough that I needed to find success in weightloss.

I’ve definitely identified a lot with some of my fellow blogger friends, and my real-life friendship with Ashley has been such a help. We share the same struggles and talk about them openly. Just knowing that I have a handful of friends that understand me in that way is huge.

What I don’t need is anyone telling me that I “look just fine” and “don’t need to lose weight.” I’m outside of my healthy weight range, so wanting to drop a few pounds is healthy and reasonable. I’m not talking about something drastic- and don’t really even care about the number. I just want to be comfortable and feel good in my skin.

One of my friends that has always just “gotten me” is Brie. She’s shown up a few times on this blog, and I’ve probably talked about how similar we are before. When Brie and I get together, we talk nonstop about everything. We both have a huge passion for exercise, but also have struggled with our weight and body image and admit to having an unhealthy relationship with food. And when I say that I have an unhealthy relationship with food, I don’t mean that I eat unhealthy things- that’s not the case at all. What I mean is that I don’t only eat when I’m hungry. I eat when I’m bored, happy, sad… you get the picture.

I ran into Brie on Saturday after not seeing her for about two months. I noticed right away that she had lost weight- and looked great! Not only did she look thinner, but she had a glow about her and just looked really confident- and happy. I told her she looked great- and I’m so happy for her. But, I’ll be honest- I was (and am) jealous of her weight loss. Brie and I have pretty much identical issues with food- and she was able to overcome hers and lose those pesky few pounds that were keeping her from feeling comfortable.

Brie and I met up to go hiking last night, and it was just really freaking great.

I told her about being jealous (and happy for her at the same time). For the next hour, we had the best talk in the world. She explained to me that she was just able to finally get a hold on this very simple concept:

Is it better to feel “good” for the next five minutes- or is it better to feel “good” when you go to bed at night? Or the next day?

What she means by this is such a simple concept- and here’s how it relates to my issues with food. If I go to grab an extra serving of something or a snack that I really don’t need- it feels good while I’m eating it. It’s almost numbing. But at the end of the day, I’m not happy about choices like that- mentally or physically. When I have a really great day where I didn’t overeat or mindlessly snack, I feel like I’m on top of the world. The problem is, I don’t have many of those days.

For Brie, she just kept thinking about that statement- about how the “big picture” is so much more important than instant gratification. It was hard at first- and she had to force herself to be mindful about her choices. Every time she would go to grab something that she really didn’t need to eat (wasn’t feeling physical hunger) or drink, she’d think to herself “How is this going to make your feel afterwards?” It took a lot of effort in the beginning, but in a short time, it became a habit. And she started seeing results. And for the first time in a while, she feels really at peace with her body, and good about herself.

I admire her.

Another thing that really sticks with me from our conversation was Brie saying “You are the only one in control of your decisions. You don’t have to live with that baggage of being controlled by your negative thoughts about your body and relationship with food. Once you figure that out, a whole different (happy) life awaits. Just let it go.”

She’s so right.

Standing like this makes you look thinner, right?

This is not how life has to be. I don’t have to accept a life of being controlled by any negative thoughts about my body, or let food fill any kind of void. It’s really all up to me to change this. And I really, really want to. I’m very aware that I’m unhappy and uncomfortable- but I guess I haven’t been aware that I’m the one that is in control of it all.

I’m going to make every effort to keep this in my mind every time I am about to make a choice that I’ll regret later:


It’s up to me.

I can do it!

 

Comments

  1. Lauren- I am so incredibly proud of you!! It’s so awesome that we are both coming to huge realizations around the same time and have such a supportive friendship! I want to help and support you any way I can! Keep your head but and be proud as you move forward and have confidence in each decision you are making!

  2. Since you and I are the same person, it should come as no surprise that I feel the exact same way. It’s funny how much we’re alike. We both lost weight around the same age and weighed the same back then, then gained back 15-20 since. While your issue was exercise addiction, at the time, mine was more orthorexia. But still, I know the feeling. I’m so sick of people telling me that I look fine. My BMI is on the line of normal/overweight, sometimes only in the normal category by a pound or two.

    It does come down to choices, and for me, an important one is to not let other people influence them. I know I won’t want that 3rd glass of wine or to share a rich dessert and I’ll be mad at myself the next day for it, but I tend to almost let peer pressure influence my decisions. It’s like I’m in middle school all over again!

    Hope we both get to the weight where we feel comfortable. And that we can meet one day. I am actually going to be in MD in November. My cousin is getting married at Sugarloaf. I have no idea if I’ll have any extra time, but if so, I’d love to get together and meet the pups.

    • If you have ANY time to meet up- let me know. I’d love to! I assume your cousin is getting married at Strong Mansion- it’s SO beautiful there! I was a bridesmaid in a wedding there a few years ago, and it was just a magical place. :)
      I let peer pressure influence my decisions too- I think we all do!!

  3. Yes, you can! I’m going to have to use that “feel good now or later” trick, too, especially on the weekends! Maybe it’ll be my next tattoo…(just kidding).

  4. Wonderful post Lauren! Your honesty and openness really rang true with me. I’m still learning, sometimes the hard way, that life is simply a balance. And that we are not perfect. And that it is also a journey that extends beyond today and this moment. Getting out of our own way and and finding the desire to be self-accepting of our current selves is at times constant work. And not necessarily a pleasant place to be. People love us for who we are not what we are. I’ve never quite gotten that. But I remind myself that if I do what is best for me right now then tomorrow will feel better than today. And it works. Thanks again!

    • I think that we (women) try really hard to be perfect and definitely have to learn that no one is (and no one expects us to be!). It’s DEFINITELY all about finding the balance!

  5. Kat Cuttitta says:

    I so needed to read this today, Yesterday I ate like five handfuls of leftover chocolate chips just because they were there. I didn’t enjoy the rest of my (healthy) food for the day because all I could think about was being over what I should have eaten due to those dumb chocolate chips. I do it all the time. For me it’s not just the guilt of one bad snack it wrecks all my yummy food that I should feel great about eating. I need to be mindful of that next time I want to scarf some of the kids’ cookies. Thanks Lauren!

    • Oh, girl. I’ve been there. It’s horrible that we make (poor) spontaneous choices that we later regret- and let it ruin our whole day. The best you can do is learn from it and remember that you don’t want to feel like that again (easier said than done!)

  6. You definitely can do it :)

    I’ll cross my fingers for you, because I feel exactly the same way and hope I can do it too. I lost weight in a healthy way some time ago and it’s been creeping back on. I’ve kept THINKING about getting leaner again, but I guess nobody ever got leaner from thinking, which is a shame ;) I work out regularly and eat mainly healthy stuff, but my problem is overeating. I don’t binge in the sense that I eat half of the content of my fridge at once, but portion control is definitely something I could work on. That and treats…

    The “feel good now or later” concept is so simple and yet so hard. But I’ll try to think about it for 5 seconds each time I open the fridge.

    • I’m the same as you- I don’t “binge” per se, but definitely eat more than I need to. Thinking of how you will feel later definitely helps- you just have to do it!

  7. Great post, sweet blend :) Thanks for sharing all of this. I think we could all use that reminder about momentary pleasure vs. the big picture. Some days are better than others for me…

  8. Oh boy, can I ever identify with this. I feel like I need to emblazon that quote on every wall of my house.
    I also recently had an epiphany. I’m definitely someone who appreciates well made, innovative, high quality food. And for as long as I can remember, “Im someone who loves good food” has (even pridefully) been a part of my identity. And then all of the sudden it dawned on me: this isn’t love, it’s an abusive relationship. And I would never stay in a romantic-abusive relationship, so why do I keep allowing my relationship with food to wreak havoc on my body and mind? Obviously, I cant “break-up” with food, but I do need to completely rebuild a new relationship–one that is truly happy and healthy. How exactly to do this is a puzzle, but I have identified and taken some small steps that seem to be putting me on the right track!!

    • I love your comment!! What you said is really powerful. It’s hard to change patterns that you’ve had your entire life. And you’re right – you can’t just “quit” food. You just have to find a new, healthy way to have a relationship with it. I hope your small steps help you out!! xoxo

      • It has definitely caused me to question some of my behaviors, which I thought were normal/healthy! Why do I get an emotional high from stocking my cabinets with more food than I could possibly eat in a month? I used to think it was satisfaction from having all these interesting, healthy options (4 different kinds of quinoa? 7 different brands of granola? really??), but now I think its just some sort of misplaced attachment…that causes me to eat more of these things than I need too. Why do I mindlessly scroll through Foodgawker when I’m not even looking for a recipe? That’s just fueling an unhealthy obsession…
        And it IS so hard to change these patterns! Especially when even identifying them in the first place is hard…and then delinking them from my “food-loving” identity. But, as you said, we know what we need to do and we CAN change how we think about our decisions!!

        • You just described me to a T (having WAY too much food in my cabinets- that would keep me fed for a year!). I used to just mindlessly grocery shop and throw anything of interest in my cart- and I love HIGH quailty foods- just like you. I just recently have broken that habit and *gasp!* just started buying what I need. And I’m now like “duh- why haven’t I done this before?” I”m saving SO much money now- and actually using everything I buy.
          Call or email me if you ever want to talk about this stuff! :) xoxo

  9. Awesome post, Lauren!! I am dealing with the same situation right now. I frequently look back at pictures of me from 2007-2010 and am in awe of how great I looked and NEVER realized it. I too became addicted to working out hitting the gym 2 times a day for 2 hrs each trip. As much as I loved working out, I was miserable at the same time because as much as I was pushing myself I wasn’t seeing any results. Now I find myself 50 lbs heavier, uncomfortable in my own skin, discusted with what I see in the mirror, and just so unhappy. I’ve tried every diet under the sun since 2010 and nothing works. I started a challenge 6 weeks ago with my bff, who had twin boys 2 yrs ago, for us to get fit and happy by supporting each other with our reward being an all-inclusive getaway. You’d think that would have been motivation enough. Yes I’m back to working out again, yes I’m eating healthy, but I can’t seem to break the food addiction issuse and find myself snacking on sweets way too often. Yesterday she told me that she’s doing so well that when she went shopping over the weekend she bought smaller pants & shirt. As happy as I was for her, I was also SO jealous. If she can find the time to workout & be healthy while working full time and taking care of two 2 yr olds, why can’t I when I have nobody but myself to care for?? After talking with her I created a spreadsheet for my workouts so I know when and what I’m doing each day and what days I’m taking off. I need the strict schedule now to get back in the grove. So far I’ve gotten up twice this week to workout before work, I’ve made it a priority and it WILL happen!!!! I need all the help I can get with staying motivated so I’m excited about this new plan!! I’m also listening to MY body and doing what works best for it instead of following all these other plans. So excited to get together with you for a hike so we can workout together and motivate each other!!!!!!!!!!!! You can do this – WE can do this!!! :)

    • Thanks for sharing your story, Katy- I had no idea!
      That’s got to be SO discouraging that your friend is seemingly finding it so easy to lose weight. It’s just SO much harder for some people than it is for others.
      I am here for you 100%- having the support definitely helps! I can’t wait to get together! :)

  10. Great post, lover. I’m glad that you’re coming to grips with your feelings about your weight, and you’re right — it’s not about looking for a reason to stay the weight you are if you’re unhappy right now (though I do think you look great, obvi!) It’s about making sure you can be happy with yourself, in whatever way that means. Definite food for thought for me, as I continue to struggle with my weight loss and goals right now…

    I miss you! Can we plan a date soon? Prz? Maybe sometime after I come back from HLS next week?

    • Absolutely! I was talking to Jenny about coming down to DC to go to Eastern Market and Good Stuff Eatery soon (probably right after Labor Day)- maybe you and the Fox can come too? Otherwise you still need to come to Frederick, which could happen any time you’re free! Just let me know after you get back from Beantown. :) xoxo

  11. Heather @ Better With Veggies says:

    I’m cheering for you girl!! I know you’re a strong and beautiful woman and I want you to be happy with your decisions and yourself! I have a hard time with the mindful eating and stopping when I really don’t need any more thing. It’s so much easier said than done. You can do this!

  12. Thank you for your honesty and sharing. I too have struggled with this issue in the past and sometimes still do. My current struggle is, even when you get that “control” back with your food and weight, there is a pink cloud for a bit. After that, I feel issues that I was numbing with food begin to creep up and now the pink cloud turns into a grey cloud. Yes, I am at my “healthy” weight but the feelings I used to numb with food are here to be dealt with. Have you ever experienced this as well?

    • I know exactly what you mean. I don’t think I ever dealt with the issues that I had when I lost weight, so that’s why it came back on. Dealing with them is definitely the key to losing it for good!

  13. I know you know that I am 110% with you on this. Regardless of whether or not you’re in your healthy weight range, if you want to lose a few pounds (and can do it healthily and stay in a healthy weight range), then who cares? Do it. I feel the same way about the 5-10 lbs I want to lose but don’t actually NEED to lose to be in my healthy range.

    Love you lady! Keep smiling and I’m here if you need more support. That tip about feeling better for 5 minutes or feeling better for good has gotten me a LOT lately. I actually put back a single serving of Justin’s yesterday while I was at the grocery store.

    PS I was at my lowest weight at the same time you were too. Only mine WASN’T healthy. It was bordering on unhealthy. I’ll dig up pix and send via e-mail.

  14. You could have been describing my exact story in this post! Last night I worked late and was surrounded by snacks and caved in. Today, I felt like crap and lethargic during my workout. Then I read your post on my phone and it really struck a chord with me. Today I will make choices that make me feel awesome tomorrow.

    • I’m glad that the post struck a chord with you- but I’m not glad that you deal with these crappy issues too. I hope you are feeling awesome today!

  15. I love ya, Lauren. I totally teared up when I read this. I’m so happy your friend was able to give you such a great perspective. That totally makes sense.So inspiring to see you processing this all!!!! Really, truly. We are all behind you!!!!!!!

  16. I think it’s AWESOME that you are so real, and so truthful with yourself and your readers. That is a HUGE part of the recovery process!

    I know that when I struggled with eating and how I felt, until I took the time to really focus on what I could do, and taking care of myself and my mind, it never worked. You’re right-it is all about YOUR decisions. I also spent a lot of time with myself –relearning who I was, what I believed in myself, and trying NEW things (that was huge).

    I am proud of you! If you have any questions or want some tips, just email me :) xoxo

  17. Girl, I love how real this post is and have much love for you, too! I totally get what you mean about not wanting to hear that you look great and all that fluffy stuff. I know that in terms of weight and clothing size, I can’t really complain and know that I’m “healthy”, but the past month I’ve crept up 8 lbs on the scale, feel bloated/lethargic, and just don’t feel comfortable with myself. I love the advice that Brie gave because going back for 2nds/3rds/4ths is something I struggle with daily. I believe in you and know you will find a way to make this work so that you can feel like you again. I’ll be along for the ride!

    • Yup- you know when you just “feel” right- and if you don’t, you want to fix it! Thanks for the love. :)

  18. Oh Lauren, I balled my eyes out reading this. Scrolling through the comments made me cry harder knowing there are others out there in this wonderful blog community that just GET US. I look back at pics from me just 1 year ago at my lowest weight and get so down on myself cause I have gained about 20-25 since. I was way too thin, so I gained back 5-10 on purpose, but then couldnt stop binging. I now keep putting off “re-starting” my weight loss just about every day. I know exactly how to lose weight, as do you and so many of us, but its the emotional side that keeps us from getting there. Losing 110 pounds was the easy part- keeping it off and achieving a healthier relationship with food is proving to be the hardest struggle of my entire life. Don’t lose hope, because I haven’t. We WILL get there girl!!

    • I know from experience that if you lose a significant amount of weight, gaining some back is just tragic. It’s much harder than losing it the first time! We definitely have to deal with the emotional issues that we tie to food. And I know what it’s like to put it off one more day (or you do great for half a day, then give in, and just figure you’ll start again tomorrow.
      I believe in you- and know you can do it! Think about how many people you inspired by that INCREDIBLE weight loss. You’re amazing!! xo

  19. I have never commented here before but your bravely vulnerable post has stayed with me all day. I have struggled from the other side on and off since I was quite young. Right now I’m trying to move out of rigid restriction and gain some weight. No matter what side of the weight line we are on, I think the fight against shame and self-loathing are the same. Thank you so much for passing on your friend’s advice. I do think the work is in tolerating the discomfort long enough to make a choice that seves us better. For me, that means staying through anxiety and dread about taking too much, being too much, being punished — long enough to remember that food is just food and it’s freedom I’m after. So much easier said than done. But hearing from you and all these other women reminds me that I am so not alone in this. Keep sharing — it is a gift to us all!

    • I’m honored that my post resonated with you so much. No matter what your issues are with food- it’s tough and it sucks! I definitely wish you the best and hope you find that comfort within yourself!

  20. Believe me – you are NOT alone! I think this is a big struggle for so many women. It has been a crazy summer for me and I have put on about 5lbs. I spent a few days being angry about it and now I am trying to do the same thing – make healthy choices that I know will make me feel good. Thanks for being so honest.

    • Summer is always the hardest time for you- especially with so much traveling! You can’t be angry and just have to move forward. You’ll do great! :)

  21. Hi! I just found your blog through reading some others. What a great post–a few of the things you talked about really hit me. So honest and well-said. It sounds like you have an amazing friend, Brie, and lots of other supporters as well. You are definitely on the right track!!!

  22. I hear you! I’m not exactly fighting a number on the scale but I am arguing with the lack of muscle in a few areas, particularly my stomach region. I’m not a complete wimp when it comes to muscles but I think some of them are hiding under the cookie dough and Mt Dew that seems to just hang out right…damn sweet tooth!

    One of the things I’ve been focusing on lately is to stop drinking my calories and sugar. It sounds so simple…but I work at a bakery where I get free soda and 6 trillion calorie lattes. Will power is required. Lots of water is consumed. Multiple bathroom breaks are taken. And I think I can feel a difference. Not sure if its just my head justifying my avoidance of if its legit, but I like it. I’m also fighting to avoid the broken cookie that seems to always be sitting in the back office staring at me…

    • Um, I would weigh about 500 lbs if I worked at a bakery! Luckily soda is one thing I DON’T care for, otherwise I’d be in trouble!
      It would be really hard to turn down a broken cookie though!

  23. I totally needed to read this post right now, so thank you for being brave enough to post it.

  24. Great post friend! I love those talks with friends that open my eyes up to an idea that I know has been there forever but just needed to see it from another side. Often I wonder what life would be like without having to worry about weight loss insecurities and such, sigh, maybe of these days.

    And I don’t care if you don’t want to hear it, you’re beautiful! I was telling Diana how I’m envious of your body, it’s the perfect balance of femininity and muscular. Seriously, jealous.

    • Ha! I would never think ANYONE would be jealous of my body. It just goes to show you!
      I seriously can’t imagine a life where I didn’t worry about my weight- I have since I was 10 years old! I’m sure it exists though- I’m determined to find it!
      Love you my friend. :)

  25. I loved this post–so good, so great.

  26. I can identify with everything you said in this post 100% This is how I feel on a daily basis! I look back at pictures of myself, how I use to look, and how good I looked, and compare them to now. Its so disheartening. I weigh 15 lbs more than I use to. And of course I have no one to blame but myself. Way too many cakes, cookies, pies, etc. I am 5’4, my current weight is 141. My happy weight is 125. Which I try on a daily basis, to get back down to. But as usual I seem to take one step forward and two steps back! Its a struggle for sure. So I know completely, and understand where you are coming from, I am in your shoes too. To the outside world we do look fine, but to us, being our own worst enemy, think its not good enough, and would kill for the body back that we use to have. Its hard especially as we get older, I am 43, losing weight is not as easy as it was in my 20′s and early 30′s. My mom reminds me everyday, that today is a new day, and a new fresh start, so no matter what yesterday or the day before was like, today is a whole new day to do the right thing…exercise and eat right. Right now I am focusing on counting calories (myfitnesspal) and trying to limit sugar. Exercising first thing is the morning before breakfast helps too. Thank you so much for writing your post. I am right there with you!

    • As you get older, your body DEFINITELY changes and it’s so much harder to lose weight. I don’t focus on a number – because I honestly don’t care what the number is. But, I DO care about feeling good- and I am pretty sure I know the range of where those numbers are.
      Your mom is right- every day is a chance to turn it around! Best of luck to you!!

  27. Awesome post Lauren. I often feel the same way, and have had to take a step back when it comes to eating to see if I will like myself after I eat whatever I have in front of me, and then later that day.. night.. and next day. I have come to the point where I realized I don’t like feeling “full” because, for me, that is past my limit and I then amplify my body in a way it’s not, and it usually just leads to a “whatever, who cares” mentality that isn’t good for me or my body. Listening is the only way I can get past this, and it’s an everyday struggle, but one that is easier to win. Every meal, or bite, is an opportunity to evaluate and then make better choices. It may sound extreme or limiting, but I really find it comforting because I realize over time what I find “worth it” – like beer :) and what I don’t find worth it – like most desserts.

    For what it’s worth, I think you’re freakin’ beautiful. Inside and out.

    • Lauren- Thank you. You are so sweet. And DITTO to you.
      Thanks for your honesty- I can 100% relate to your inner dialogue! I love that you said that every bite is an opportunity. I’m going to remember that one!
      And yes- beer is totally worth it (and to me- so is ice cream).

  28. excellently written, lauren. very heartfelt and thoughtful – keep your head up and keep working hard – you’ll have your mental breakthrough :) i can definitely see the confidence and radiance in the older photos – it’s so sad to me that you feel like you’ve lost the spark, the confidence, the happiness because of weight. i know we all want to look great but girlfriend, you are beautiful! and do adventurous things! and climb mountains! and write a pretty sweet blog! and teach a zillion fitness classes! my wish for you is that you can still see that inner beauty and still feel beautiful and happy and radiant – even while you’re still working to lose the weight you want to lose. that is all, my friend. smile! :)

  29. I love this honest post, Lauren! I thought you looked awesome at Blend… I can’t imagine you looking much better! However, every women needs to feel comfortable and confident in their own skin. I think you are gorgeous… inside and out! Remember… weight doesn’t add or take away from our value. I know you will get back to what makes you feel healthy!

  30. I know it! The money saving is a huge perk! And it really doesnt take THAT much more effort to plan out everything I need in advance. We need to plan a longer visit one of these days! xx

  31. I KNOW this took some guts to post…because I’ve thought about doing one VERY similar more times than I can count. I never had any problems with my weight when I was younger, but as soon as I went off to college, that darn teenage metabolism just wasn’t ready for all the beer and pizza consumed. Add to that the stress of paying for college on my own, working full time, getting married and THEN divorced (I know, I don’t talk about it much), I knew that “uncomfortable” feeling all too well. It actually wasn’t until I started using MyFitnessPal that I finally felt like I was doing it ALL right…healthy and legit…and lost some of that stubborn weight that had been “picking” at me for years. I think the reason it works for me is that it serves as my accountability…and I like the charts and graphs…I’m a total visual person. ;) Once I started tracking, I stopped mindlessly snacking and overeating as much. Yes, I’ve had my share of slip ups (I can’t help it…I love to eat!), but I always know that the next day is a NEW day and a chance to start over.

    *Hugs*

  32. Wow, Lauren !! This post really hit home with me. I am going through the same thing in my life, too. I have had a huge struggle with my weight and relationship with food for quite some time now. And I feel terrible all the time and feel like I have lost my zest for life. Your post really spoke to me and I hope I am able to finally take control of my life, too. You really are such an inspiration to me. Thank you for your honesty since so many of us feel the same way, we just aren’t brave enough to say it aloud. xoxox Michelle

  33. holy shit. was this an amazing post. This is actually why I took a break from blogging. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been in my LIFE and I feel like sh*t reading and seeing pictures of people that are happier and healthier than I am. but the choice to feel that way is within us. You are sooo beautiful and fun Lauren. I couldn’t stop going all lezzie talking about you with Tiffany and Lynne. You are amazing and f*ck the pounds. Look at your hottie hubs, the dogs, your LIFE and remind yourself that you are SOO much going on. and you can kick any skinny b*tch’s ass ANY TIME.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] few hours of sulking later, I read Lauren’s amazing post. There are so many of us out there who are struggling with weight loss because it is [...]

  2. [...] all of your support from this post- I’ve actually felt a little sense of hope and control over the last few days. I’m not [...]

  3. [...] and I happily obliged. I’m pretty sure that all but one of them was either split with Greg or Brie before/during a hike, so that I could get their opinion as [...]

Comments are welcome (and encouraged)!