Man, this post has been brewing for some time. I’ve been meaning to write it for weeks now. I even eluded to it in a previous post or two, because I thought that it would have been up a few days later. But no- this one required more thought. It’s one of those “diary” posts for me, because I’m going to be honest. And it’s therapeutic for me to get it out.
You see… I just haven’t felt like “me” for quite some time. Like I got so lost in the stresses of my old job and constantly wished for a way out- and then I finally found it. I guess I thought that life would magically get better if I got out of teaching- but that didn’t happen. There’s a lot of work that needs to be done- and I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching lately.
I’ve been thinking about just what it is that is standing in the way of my happiness right now. And the truth is, it’s me.
I’m in transition- which is a hard place to be stuck. I’ve got a pretty awesome future and new career just around the corner, but I’m not quite there yet. My days are spent sitting at a computer, studying for my PFT exam (I’m taking an online prep course for it). I’m not used to sitting in front of a computer all day- I’ve never had to do that before, and it’s hard for me to focus (and sit still for a long time). Sure, I teach classes almost every day- but that’s usually in the super early morning or late afternoon- so I have the majority of the day to focus on my number one priority, which is studying for my exam.
I don’t mean to sound like a big, fat complainer. I’m extremely fortunate and grateful that I was able to quit a job that I was miserable in to pursue one that I have an undeniable passion for. However, that doesn’t automatically mean that everything is perfect, that all the sudden I’m happy and that life is perfect.
I take the PFT exam next month, and then I can finally move forward with my personal training business. And I’m so excited about that. I know that this is truly the right career for me- I have no doubts about that.
I’m constantly wishing that life would fast-forward to a month of two from now, and having a lot of trouble living in the present- and enjoying life right now. And it’s ironic- because I constantly tell others to “be in the present” and not think about “what you have to do tomorrow” when I’m teaching classes- yet I can’t seem to do that myself.
I also constantly dream of moving to Colorado. It’s something that Greg and I want so badly- and may actually happen sooner than we thought. But I won’t disclose any details about that until it’s more definite. There’s a lot of hoops to jump through first.
I also think about being happy with my body in the (near) future. I think about losing a bit of weight (that I genuinely need to lose- at least to get back to a healthy BMI and being able to fit into my clothes) and what my body might look like six months from now, and just assume that I’ll get there.
As I’ve mentioned oh, a million times now- I’m not happy with my body or the weight that I’ve gained. Yet, I haven’t been able to commit to actually losing it. I know exactly what to do- but no matter what I do, I just can’t find the motivation to get there. And my clothes continue to get tighter and less comfortable. But- I have decided to actually take the steps to deal with the issues that hold me back- which all need to be worked through by talking to someone and figuring it all out. I’m ready to for this.
My issues/struggles with weight loss have absolutely nothing to do with not knowing what to do, what to eat, etc. For me, It’s all about the behaviors that keep me from doing what I know is right, and what stands in the way of my success.
All of this not enjoying the present business needs to just stop. Tomorrow is never a guarantee, after all.
The other thing that I’ve taken a hard look at recently is simple habits that stand in the way of my happiness and success- and pretty much all of these contribute to mindless eating. Greg and I had a long talk about this a few weeks ago, and agreed that there are definitely a few things that need to change.
1. One really bad habit that we had fallen into was eating dinner in front of the tv every night. We would sit at our kitchen table, but it faces the tv- so it’s really easy to turn it on during dinner. We stopped doing this- and in fact, we sit at a different table entirely to eat now, and the television can’t be seen from there. It’s nice- we actually talk at dinner, rather than just zoning out to Wheel of Fortune, or whatever we DVR’d from the night before.
2. Another bad “eating” habit that I had acquired was eating in my office in front of my computer. I make sure that meals are eaten in the kitchen, sitting down, and not while studying or doing any other kind of multi-tasking. I’ve encouraged Greg to do the same, since he works from home- which is only possible some of the time due to meetings and such. But it’s a good start.
3. I often graze after dinner. I thought about what else is going on- and it’s usually because I’m bored. Another bad habit that Greg and I both got into was retiring to the couch for the remainder of the evening after eating dinner. We’d usually have the tv on- but both of us would be on our iPads, not paying attention to what else is going on- or each other. Sometimes we’d sit there for 2-3 hours. Granted, both of us are generally exhausted by the end of the day, and sitting on your butt feels pretty good sometimes. We both also get up pretty early and hit the gym hard in the morning. But, we both agreed that there’s no reason to be sitting around with televisions and iPads and iPhones and all of that stuff. It’s okay to watch some tv each night- but we’re trying to limit it to around an hour- not three.
We thought about other things that we can do after dinner- such as playing board games (or Baggo!), take a walk with the dogs, finally put together our wedding scrapbook (Greg’s REAL thrilled about that one)- or just spend time alone! He likes to work on his bikes in the garage, and I can always spend the extra time studying OR reading (like, for fun).
I’m happy to say that we have changed this bad habit over the last few weeks- and it has definitely stopped the mindless (couch) grazing that I had been doing.
4. My friend Maddie posted a video on Facebook the other day, and I had not heard of this gal before, or watched any of her videos. I went through and watched a few of them, and she had some good tips. Here’s one that I got a very simple tip from, that I put into place immediately.
The tip about putting stuff that you have a tendency to munch on (in your pantry) on a higher shelf so it’s not at eye level is so darn simple. I had already kind of done this with the many bags of granola I have- they are actually in a box at the bottom of the pantry, so I kind of forget that they are are- and it takes effort and thought to get them out.
My weakness? Grabbing a handful of peanuts, almonds, walnuts, or a spoonful of nut butter, which had previously been on the middle shelf. I took matters into my own hands and put them way up high.
I know something like this might seem incredibly silly to some of you, but hey, if it works…
Whew. I needed to get that all out. I’m sure there will be a few more posts like this in future, as I’m working to sort out something things going on in my head. It feels better just to be able to share.
I’m leaving for Fitbloggin’ today (through late Saturday night), so I’m sure that I will have no problem enjoying the present.
Do you ever have a problem ‘living’ in the present? What bad habits do you have that you would like to change? Thanks for sharing!!